What Kind Of Car Are You?
27865
Recreation & Sports > Humor
Jun 18, 2007
kphirst
What Kind Of Car Are You?
I live in the land of flashy cars. In LA you are what you drive - even if you're driving yourself into debt. If you buy a Bentley, a Ferrari, a Maserati or a Rolls Royce you're buying an attention-getting car. If you buy a BMW, a Jaguar or a Mercedes, you're buying an economy car. I've seen all kinds of cars. I've seen one that looks like a hot dog and one that looks like a shoe. I've also seen a car that looks like a rooster - which proves not all cars are female. If they were, where would the new models come from? My car is male and his name is Huey. Yes, I named my car. There are times I spend more time with my car than with my husband and I didn't want to be telling my problems to a stranger. In fact, in LA we spend so much time in our cars they become our second homes. They have CD and DVD players, as well as phones. They have spilled drinks, leftover food and stained carpets. They also have monthly payments. Cars have come a long way since the Model T, which had no optional extras, cost $825 and was available only in black. Although today's cars are available in colors running the gamut from basic beige to outrageous orange, there's one rule of thumb. White reflects heat, black attracts heat and red attracts police. Huey is green and he's thirty-eight years old. In people years that's about one hundred ninety. He's so old you'd think he'd qualify for handicap parking. He's so old you'd think he'd qualify for mandatory smog checks - but he doesn't. In California cars aren't smog checked if they are over thirty years old. That's like saying people shouldn't take driving tests if they are over eighty years old. That would be like driving in Florida! From Florida to California all new cars look alike to me - no fins, no portholes, no personality. Today's cars are more plastic than metal. Because they're not built to last, there's no time to bond with them - just time to Bondo. New or old, high maintenance or hybrid, there are more cars in LA every day. More cars means more traffic and more traffic means more accidents. However, if you live in LA there's something worse than that. Not having a car in LA is a "cartastrophe"!
KNIGHT PIERCE HIRST takes humorous looks at life. Take a minute to make yourself smile at http://knightwatch.typepad.com
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