6 1/2 Reasons Why Internet Dating is BETTER Than "Traditional" Dating
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Society > Dating
Apr 26, 2007
6 1/2 Reasons Why Internet Dating is BETTER Than "Traditional" Dating
For folks looking for love, using internet Personals websites such as Match.com and Yahoo Personals is fast becoming a mainstream, "normal" way to meet potential mates. Gone is the stigma of internet dating. Also vanishing is the fear that only misfits and ax murderers advertise on such sites. Anecdotal evidence suggests that most of us know at least one couple who met through the internet and are now dating or married. In fact, that's how I met my husband! People who used to wonder, "What kind of person uses the internet that way?" now wonder if it might be a good idea for them, too. I believe from my own success that not only is internet dating every bit as worthwhile and valid as traditional ways of meeting, but in important ways, internet dating is BETTER. Consider what internet dating does for you: 1. Empowers you to take control. No longer must you passively wait for a fantasy prince or princess to drop into your life. You can advertise your availability --and you can actively look by cruising through the Personals online. It puts you in the proverbial driver's seat. 2. Gives you license to be BOLD. Online, you can make the first move and you can flirt unselfconsciously. For shy men and women, this is a godsend. In writing (in Personals and first e-mail exchanges), without having to initially face a live person, you may be yourself more easily. Instead of having to respond spontaneously in-the-moment and feeling flustered, you have time to think about how you want to present yourself. Gradually getting to know someone first in writing softens the anxiety of your first, in-person meeting later (assuming you want to proceed to an in-person meeting). 3. Makes it easier to say, "No, thanks. Goodbye," if it doesn't work out. If you decide after an email or two or a date or two that there is no chemistry, it's much easier to nip the relationship in the bud. Saying, "No, thanks," in an email is less awkward, especially for those who find it hard to say, "No," to anyone. Additionally, you never have to see this person again as with other kinds of meetings: no uncomfortable moments at work or church bumping into a former date. There's no need to explain to friends or family why you don't like the person with whom they fixed you up. You can have a simple, clean break. Of course, after you develop an on-going, in-person relationship with someone, you owe your date an appropriate goodbye no matter how you met. 4. Gets "negative" issues out of the way first. Let's face it, most people past a certain age have baggage: something physical, emotional or situational, or something from your past that affects your present and future life that you worry a date will not accept. Internet dating allows you to get those dreaded "talks" out of the way in anonymous communications before you even meet in person. Using a screen name and an anonymous email address lets you screen potential mates first, and eliminate intolerant fools who would not accept your issues. What you are left with are what sales people call "qualified leads," people who meet your basic requirements. 5. Widens your net. The internet opens up the whole world to you. For practical reasons, you probably don't want to cast your net quite that far, but you need not be limited to your own neighborhood or travel circles for meeting people. Maybe your ideal mate is just 20 miles away, but doesn't go to places where you are likely to meet. 6. Targets your search to those who are available and looking. Do you wonder if someone you notice is approachable or looking for a relationship? How do you find out if someone is in the dating market? Online, you don't have to wonder. They are declaring themselves as being out there, looking. You get to browse eligible singles. Can someone lie about being available? Sure, but no more than people you meet in-person. This way, you don't waste time or energy on people who aren't looking at all. 6 1/2. Get what you are looking for. The search features of internet dating websites allow you to narrow your search to qualities you want in a mate. Looking for a non-smoking, Jewish man in his 50's? Easy. Most websites let you narrow your search by age, religion, geographic area, presence (or absence) of children and what kind of relationship you are seeking. Are you looking for a serious relationship? You can focus just on those, and eliminate the "advertisers" who are looking for a one-night stand. The internet makes no judgments; it simply matches people with similar goals. You take it from there. As you proceed with emails, you can also screen for your "deal breakers:" those things that you are not willing to accept in a relationship. You get to choose. Conclusion. These advantages to internet dating are exactly why it has caught on like wildfire and why it is here to stay. There are no guarantees in life or in dating. The internet doesn't solve all relationship problems or make instant, perfect matches. What is does is open a new universe of possibilities for people seeking companionship and love. Give it a try!
Connie DiStasi Hillman, MSW, MA is a life coach who works with people contemplating changes in life or work-- and feel stuck about first or next steps. She especially enjoys giving support and inspiration to those looking for love. See her website at New Leaf Coaching Online.com
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