The Falling Out Of Love Syndrome
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Society > Dating
Nov 30, 1999
The Falling Out Of Love Syndrome
'Till death do us part' has probably failed to stand the test of time but interestingly the institution of marriage hasn't. People still believe in tying the knot. However, with the variety of lifestyle choices available and the growing acceptance of individual choices by the society at large, this symptom of falling out of love is being experienced by a lot of people. Or probably a better way to put it would be to say that more people are voicing their opinions on the issue now than ever before. Actually, in order to understand the idea of falling out of love I tried to explore what this much talked about idea of falling in love is all about. And not surprisingly I found a plethora of definitions. Based on the different definitions I can vouch for the fact that a vast majority of the human race experience this emotion. Some define it as a wild beating of the heart at the sight of the other while others say that it is a feeling of comfort that one feels in the company of the other. But, no matter how they choose to define it this whole business of falling in love is a very desirable and ecstatic affair. So, what is it that after being a part of such a desirable experience that many people are beginning to feel that wow factor is kind of wearing out and they are beginning to feel as if they have or are falling out of love. According to Ashok Rajagopal, an illustrator of repute, the main mistake that most of us make is that we do not realize that as a relationship ages and matures the nature of love which forms the basis of the relationship also changes its hues. Therefore, courtship love is very different from marital love. For instance, not too many people care to present a picture perfect image of themselves to their spouses after a few years of marriage. But, that does not mean they do not care about the spouse anymore. What actually happens is that now friendship between the couple gives birth to a comfort zone where it becomes unnecessary to make an extra effort to impress the other. But, some people find it difficult to accept this and consider it to be a sign of disinterest. I think it is these people who feel that they are falling out of love. Not everybody has such a simple and straightforward explanation of the issue. Bidisha, a software professional says, I feel that we lead very stressful lives despite the handsome kitty that we bring home. This to my mind is because of the extremely limited time that we get to spend with each other as a couple. Most of the time we communicate either because we have to or to argue. Before, atleast there was a making up phase. Of late that has become non-existent. This sometimes makes me feel that forget falling out of love' there is very little personal reason for us being together as a couple. In fact, I sometimes feel we are together more because of two reasons. One- that is what we are expected to do. Secondly because, we are so used to each other. Snigdha Gohain a practicing family counselor says, yes, it is true that more and more young people are falling prey to the feeling of falling out of love. But, I think it has a lot to do with the fact that the younger generation or the internet generation as I prefer to call them do not realize that relationships grow and develop over a period of time and people in a relationship need to work at it. Today people are more impatient. They are not willing to give each other time. Sometimes what seems to be unbearable seems quite reasonable when one tries to look at it from the doer's perspective. So, that's the number one thing to realize. Some couples pass the buck on to not having enough time to spend with each other. To these people my advice would be it is not the amount of time you spend with each other that is important but the way you spend it. Sometimes, it is a good idea to make an effort to bring back a little of the magic that you feel is lost. And this I must share with you. A lot of times couples wait for the other person to make the first move. Now this is a foolish thing to do. Firstly because a lot of precious time is lost during this tome. Secondly, though this may sound a little philosophical, it is a fact, I or the ego has no place in a relationship. So, if we were to conclude that falling in love is a state of mind in which energy levels are high and interest is optimum then falling out of love is probably the opposite. Therefore, since you are the boss in the former you continue to be the same in the latter. What is important is to realize that you are one of those extremely lucky and blessed people who have found love. Like all precious commodities love needs to be handled with care and respect. And chances are you'll never have to deal with falling out of love.
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