The Secret to Real Confidence
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Product Reviews > Book Reviews
Nov 30, 1999
The Secret to Real Confidence
Sometimes the best secrets are hidden in plain sight. When it comes to developing confidence, there is one "secret shortcut" that took me years to understand, but it's so painfully obvious that I want to kick myself sometimes for not being aware of it all along. The "secret" I want to tell to you about is acceptance. Understanding the importance of acceptance requires a little creative thinking. It is important to remember that confidence is never an "all or nothing" situation. We all have confidence to some degree, but it is a fact that some people have much more that than others. It is also a fact, that no matter how low your self-esteem may be right now, you do have some confidence. So it's a sliding scale, and just for the sake of argument, let's say that the confidence scale goes from one to ten, with one being least confident and ten being supremely confident. To further make this point, let's say that right now your confidence level is a three on this scale, and your friend's confidence is a six on the same scale. Now, it's obvious that your friend is twice as confident as you, but at the same time his confidence level is still only a six out of ten, so it certainly could be a lot higher and your friend is very aware of this. Now here is where the power of acceptance comes into the picture. Imagine that your friend, whose confidence level is a six, feels very bad about himself because his confidence isn't higher. But let's say that, unlike your friend, you understand that your confidence level is low, but you feel OK about that, and you're not judging yourself because of it. In effect, you are saying "my confidence level "is what it is" and I feel perfectly comfortable with that." Now, who is going to be perceived as being more confident, you or your friend? YOU ARE! Every single time. Because if you accept your confidence level (no matter what it is) and are perfectly comfortable with it, you are going to come across as much more confident than your friend who does not accept his confidence level. You see how this works? Another way of saying this would be, no matter what your confidence level is, accepting it and being comfortable with it will instantly make you more confident! Are you having an "aha" moment yet? I know I did when i first began to really "get" this idea. And the irony is, this is such a simple idea. Nevertheless, I overlooked this critical point for many years. Maybe you have too... But once you understand the importance of acceptance, you can use this knowledge to immediately boost your confidence. All you need to do is begin where you are right now and make it a point to accept your current situation and your current level of confidence. Do NOT feel frustrated with yourself or your situation. Begin with a good feeling about where you are right now at this very minute. After a day or two of thinking this way, you will definitely notice a difference. When you begin any confidence building program from the point of view of acceptance, you are certain to see greater results in less time. But be warned, if you begin trying to make changes in your life from a position of frustration, or self disapproval, you will find it much more difficult to create the results you want. Find a way to make peace with yourself and your situation where you are right now. Remember, the key to the whole thing is to start by accepting yourself just as you are right now. You absolutely can do this, and it WILL make a difference. Every single time.
Jon Mercer is a personal development coach and the founder of UltraConfidence.com. Click here to learn Jon's method of building real confidence quickly!
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