Love Advice: Falling and Staying in Love
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Society > Relationships
Nov 30, 1999
Love Advice: Falling and Staying in Love
Falling in love is easy, but staying in love is not. Sometimes we don't know for sure if we are really in love or not. Sexual desire and a neediness to see the other person constantly is infatuation, and not what love is all about. The Eight Key Ingredients of Love: 1.Common relationship goals regarding the present and the future including (but not limited to) emotional intimacy, quality time together, pursuit of interests, marriage, children, social life, a home, financial security, sexual intimacy and companionship. 2.A Feeling of goodwill that comes from warmth and truly wanting the very best for your mate. 3.Excitement and interest created by bringing your separate and unique personalities to the relationship. 4.Freedom to be yourselves and follow your own interests resulting from both feeling secure in yourselves and the relationship. 5.Ability to search for and find solutions to problems because you respect each other and your differences, and seek solutions that meet both your needs. 6.A deep bond between you that others can't penetrate. 7.Security that comes from trusting your mate and knowing that you are both equally committed to the relationship. 8.Commitment to, and a vision of, your future together for many years to come. It's hard for couples to keep that "loving feeling." It often gets lost when couples take each other for granted or lose their own identities in the relationship. Below are the things you need to do to stay in love or rekindle love: 5 Ways to Rekindle Love: 1. Make sure your own life's on track. Are you the exciting vital person you were when you married? If not, why not? Recreate your "Life Before Mate" identity that sparked the relationship initially. It takes two happy healthy people to have a happy healthy relationship. 2. Rebuild Trust. The spark can die when one partner feels hurt by the other because the trust is damaged. Whether or not one mate intentionally hurt the other or not, the issue needs to be discussed and resolved to both people's satisfaction. Make a vow that the two of you will discuss your issues on a regular basis (or with a therapist) until there is resolution. 3. Plan your future together. Most couples are busy following a script written by their parents. Don't follow their script. Instead work together and create your own set of guidelines and goals for your future. 4. Be emotionally honest in your conversation. Don't protect your mate from your bad feelings. When you do, you build a wall of resentment inside yourself that won't let your feelings of love come through. Share, and be sure your mate shares, and then really listen so you can hear what he or she is telling you. 5. Make romance a priority. Schedule regular dates with each other. Constantly look for new ways to bond. Look for ways to have fun. Remind your mate what it is you love about him or her. Become a mutual admiration society. Falling in love and staying in love are not as difficult as people think, as long as you're willing to do what's necessary to keep your love alive.
Carolyn Bushong, a Denver,CO licensed therapist, helps couples and singles in her office, on-line,& by phone. Author of: Loving Him Without Losing You, Bring Back the Man You Fell in Love With, & The 7 Dumbest Relationship Mistakes. Has appeared on Oprah. love advice. 303-333-1888.
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