He is Caught between his Wife and His Mother
10396
Recreation & Sports > Life Coaching
Mar 1, 2007
Robert Elias Najemy
He is Caught between his Wife and His Mother
Elias is caught between the two women he loves, his wife and his mother. His wife Miriam is quite upset and hurt because she does not feel accepted by her mother-in-law and also because she feels Elias does not protect her from her mother-in-law?s criticism and intrusions into their lives. He does not draw the line for his mother, and limit how much say she can have in their lives. He does not put her in her place.
Of course, his mother has the same complaint about Elias?s not forcing his wife to be more respectful. Is he charge or isn?t he? She thinks he should be more the man of the house and not let his wife control him.
His wife feels he should grow up and not let his mother dictate his behavior.
Miriam wants to be accepted into Elias? family. She is happy to serve and help his mother, but not keep the house, raise the children or live her life according to his mother?s ideas. She feels insecure. She feels she is being constantly doubted, that no one has faith in her ability to raise her children, cook or maintain a household.
His mother, on the other hand, believes she is just trying to help. She has had many years of experience raising four children who turned out fine. Why wouldn't Miriam want her advice? She loves her son Elias and wants the best for him, and that is why she tries to help Miriam become a better wife.
Elias is afraid of both of them. He does not want conflicts. He cannot communicate effectively with either of them. He wishes they would just solve their problem between themselves and not involve him.
He can find no solution because whenever he speaks to his wife, she sounds right, but when he goes to speak to his mother, she also seems right. Thus, he avoids them both as much as possible.
Both women alternate between the roles of "victim" and "interrogator" and Elias becomes "aloof" as much as he can. There are times, however, when he cannot stand it any longer and shouts at them, but they seldom take him seriously because he himself is afraid of conflict.
What do they all need to learn from this situation?
Miriam:
Does she need to learn some of the following lessons:
To love and accept her mother-in-law as she is and forgive her for her weaknesses and negativity?
To express her needs and feelings more clearly, more lovingly and more assertively?
To free herself from feeling guilty when she is unable satisfy her mother-in-law?s needs or demands?
To be able to say "no" without feeling guilty or believing there will necessarily be a conflict, or that the other will stop loving her?
To believe that her mother-in-law can hear the truth and discuss any situation maturely like an adult?
To free herself from childhood experiences in which she was programmed to believe others would not respect her needs, or would criticize her or be unable to communicate peacefully?
To cultivate more positive feelings toward her mother-in-law?
To look for her positive qualities and see her as a teacher there to test her ability to love unconditionally?
To workout some types of practical agreements in which all feel that some of their needs are being fulfilled?
Elias:
Does he need to learn some of the following lessons:
To overcome his fear of conflict?
To learn to express his opinions and needs clearly without fearing there will be conflict?
To let them work it out for themselves?
To see if there is apart of himself that is being expressed by his wife toward his mother and by his mother toward his wife?
To learn to love and accept them as they are?
To not be bothered by their conflicts?
To be more assertive.
His Mother:
That her daughter-in-law needs to learn by herself and not through her advise?
To let go of her son?
To have more confidence in her daughter-in-law and give advice only when asked?
To occupy herself with other interests so she does not dwell so much on her son?s family?
Let us hope they find the maturity necessary to analyze themselves, identify their lessons and decide to change themselves so they can once again find harmony and love.
Of course, his mother has the same complaint about Elias?s not forcing his wife to be more respectful. Is he charge or isn?t he? She thinks he should be more the man of the house and not let his wife control him.
His wife feels he should grow up and not let his mother dictate his behavior.
Miriam wants to be accepted into Elias? family. She is happy to serve and help his mother, but not keep the house, raise the children or live her life according to his mother?s ideas. She feels insecure. She feels she is being constantly doubted, that no one has faith in her ability to raise her children, cook or maintain a household.
His mother, on the other hand, believes she is just trying to help. She has had many years of experience raising four children who turned out fine. Why wouldn't Miriam want her advice? She loves her son Elias and wants the best for him, and that is why she tries to help Miriam become a better wife.
Elias is afraid of both of them. He does not want conflicts. He cannot communicate effectively with either of them. He wishes they would just solve their problem between themselves and not involve him.
He can find no solution because whenever he speaks to his wife, she sounds right, but when he goes to speak to his mother, she also seems right. Thus, he avoids them both as much as possible.
Both women alternate between the roles of "victim" and "interrogator" and Elias becomes "aloof" as much as he can. There are times, however, when he cannot stand it any longer and shouts at them, but they seldom take him seriously because he himself is afraid of conflict.
What do they all need to learn from this situation?
Miriam:
Does she need to learn some of the following lessons:
To love and accept her mother-in-law as she is and forgive her for her weaknesses and negativity?
To express her needs and feelings more clearly, more lovingly and more assertively?
To free herself from feeling guilty when she is unable satisfy her mother-in-law?s needs or demands?
To be able to say "no" without feeling guilty or believing there will necessarily be a conflict, or that the other will stop loving her?
To believe that her mother-in-law can hear the truth and discuss any situation maturely like an adult?
To free herself from childhood experiences in which she was programmed to believe others would not respect her needs, or would criticize her or be unable to communicate peacefully?
To cultivate more positive feelings toward her mother-in-law?
To look for her positive qualities and see her as a teacher there to test her ability to love unconditionally?
To workout some types of practical agreements in which all feel that some of their needs are being fulfilled?
Elias:
Does he need to learn some of the following lessons:
To overcome his fear of conflict?
To learn to express his opinions and needs clearly without fearing there will be conflict?
To let them work it out for themselves?
To see if there is apart of himself that is being expressed by his wife toward his mother and by his mother toward his wife?
To learn to love and accept them as they are?
To not be bothered by their conflicts?
To be more assertive.
His Mother:
That her daughter-in-law needs to learn by herself and not through her advise?
To let go of her son?
To have more confidence in her daughter-in-law and give advice only when asked?
To occupy herself with other interests so she does not dwell so much on her son?s family?
Let us hope they find the maturity necessary to analyze themselves, identify their lessons and decide to change themselves so they can once again find harmony and love.
Content Provider: http://www.traffichelp4u.com
Robert E. Najemy, author of 25 books and life coach with 30 years of experience, has trained over 300 life coaches and now does so over the Internet. Become a life coach. Over 600 free article and lectures at www.HolisticHarmony.com/
Write a Review
Add to My Favorite
Refer it to Friend
Report Article
Other links owned by this user
Here is anoher excellen mehod of moving ino prayer of mediaion. I can also be used as a mediaion in iself. 1. Wih he sraigh spine and peaceful mind, bring a plan (a known or an imaginary one) ino your mind. Now realize ha
Category:
HOW WE COMMUNICATE NOW Let us briefly mention how most people communicate now. There are two basic categories; those who suppress themselves and do not communicate; and those who suppress the others by raising their voices, blaming and
Category:
Elias is caught between the two women he loves, his wife and his mother. His wife Miriam is quite upset and hurt because she does not feel accepted by her mother-in-law and also because she feels Elias does not protect her from her mother-in-law?s
Category:
In he role of he aloof we disance ourselves from ohers, avoiding meaningful or hones emoional conac. In his way, we are less likely o be hur or conrolled by people?s negaive emoions, requess or demands. 1. We hide from
Category:
A divorce, aration or, in general, any loss of an important relationship is a painful experience. Such pain can seriously diminish our peace and happiness. We can, however, use this inner discomfort for our spiritual benefit. If we are thinking of
Category:
Spiritual Universal Love - Part 5 of 5 A later stage in our spiritual aturation process is the developent of spiritual universal love where wisdo or spiritual discriination is now added to our love. We now perceive all fors as various
Category:
Once upon a time in a very typical village of a quite common country there lived a very famous and capable tailor named Dimo. It was quite an honor to have a suit made by this tailor, and people were willing to make many sacrifices in order to do
Category:
We ve all heard of Darwin's law of selective evolution and the survival of the fittest. According to the concept of evolution, all beings ve developed from some basic primeval cells, which divided and went their different evolutionary ways. There
Category:
Anthony plays the role of "the savior." He feels le for just about everyone?s reality. He believes he must rescue them and keep them well and happy. He feels he has failed in his "role", and cannot rest, as long as someone he feels
Category:
We Hae Nothing to Fear but Fear Itself" Franklin Theodore Rooseelt Indeed fear is our greatest obstacle to happiness, peace and fulfillment on a personal, social and international leel. All anger, hatred, prejudice, aggression,
Category:
When we re young supple nd pure, freshly removed from the mold of the Cretor, we still hve within us the vision of the perfect: of perfect love of perfect equlity of perfect justice. We know very well who is sincere
Category:
In order to create the healthy, happy and hmonious reality we all desire, we will need to create emotional hmony. This process can be divided into six basic steps: 1. Recognize our emotions. 2. Accept them as they
Category:
Love, Pleasure or Affirmation ? Part 3 of a 5 part series. Needing Others for Pleasure Let us examine how our needs for pleasure and affirmation can limit and distort our experience of love. We create relationships
Category:
Following are some aspects of our evolving creativity. 1. We have greater control over our body and mind. The body does not get ill. It is able to relax when we tell it to. It is able to perform and work when we want it to. It is an
Category:
We suggest that you read parts 1 & 2 4. RAJA YOGA is the path of gradual control over one?s self through the development of discipline and will-power. is a system that is useful to any one, even if he chooses to follow the other paths.
Category:
A few years ago, Angela almost fainted in the center of town. She felt helpless. She was losing her senses among all those strangers. She feared being humiliated by fainting, and thus, showing weakness. She was also afraid these strangers might not help
Category:
Love is our greatest need. Is it our highest most fulfilling state. Do e really love or are e simply attached to, identified ith or dependent upon the persons e "love"? Is our love free and unconditional, or is it mixed
Category:
Many negative emotions are the result of confusion concerning "who is responsible for whose reality." If we believe that others are responsible for our reality and how we feel, and they do not "create" our reality as we would like it to be or do not
Category:
The role of "Victim" (poor me) is a favorite with many of us. There are so many "benefits" we can ensure by playing the role of the victim. 1. We automatically gain self-worth. Follow this reasoning closely. As a victim, we are the one
Category:
Have you ever sat by a river and watched the mesmerizingly graceful movement of the river grasses, which surrender themselves completely to the flow of the river? At their base they are firmly attached to a rock on the riverbed. If they
Category:
Other links at Recreation & Sports > Life Coaching
Decide what you want to do, what you want to learn, to develop or to develop further. Make a list of such desires. Among the many possibilities, you may decide that you want to sing, dance, draw or to meditate, or to massage or to cook better, to
Category:
2. True Faith
When I have true faith, I fear nothing and no one. I experience Divine attention and care. When my loved ones are in "danger", I trust that there is a Divine wisdom greater than my needs and desires Although I fight with love
Category:
Does the expression "birds of a feather flock together" or "like and like attracts each other" say anything to you? If it does, you may not have linked the saying to yourself and to the kind of people you have around you. If you truly
Category:
Here is anoher excellen mehod of moving ino prayer of mediaion. I can also be used as a mediaion in iself. 1. Wih he sraigh spine and peaceful mind, bring a plan (a known or an imaginary one) ino your mind. Now realize ha
Category:
Here we supply you with a short list of roles or personas and their core beliefs. We have grouped the personas under various names. erhaps, in some cases, only one or two of the names might be applicable. 1. The Good, Righteous, Spiritual
Category:
Site Sponsor
Directory Statistics
Articles: 68228
Categories: 501
Yahoo Entertainment
